i'm amazed at what some find and what some don't

you have to want to find something before you can actually find it

and if you accidentally find it without wanting or desiring that something

most likely you won't notice - even if it smacks you upside the face

i've seen people who don't know they should even want to find something 

get smacked upside the face and they never felt a thing

 i've watched this smack with baited breath

wishing that when i let go that breath

they would see

but no they carry on as though nothing had happened let alone a smack to the face

they don't notice that what they never knew they didn't have 

was right there.

 right there

all they had to do was feel the smack and internalize it.

 but it's like there's a barrier a wall that no smack can penetrate

i don't want walls i want to feel every whiff every smoke and every smack
 of that something i'm missing

i want to be put to rights if i'm wrong

and i want to hear, see and feel everything that is whispered and smacked at me 

image - pinterest

- hogle zoo -

still not sure how i feel about  zoos

but it was fun!

chase sang me a song 

here are some of the lyrics

"rainbows, lollipops and sunshine

everything that's wonderful is what i feel when we're together,

brighter than a lucky penny,

when you're near the rain cloud disappears, dear, 

and i feel so fine just to know that you are mine."

bahahahahaha!! so funny also pretty cute

but really it was a joke cause this is a 60's pop song.

oh man...

he told me to write it cause i'm concerned that people

may think i'm not happy but really if i write anything on my blog

i'm happy when i've written it. 

i just like to share the ups and downs i experience but the downs

aren't really down they are just a learning experience.

hopefully that makes sense

i like writing about things that means something to me and i think a lot 

but i'm hap hap happy!!! 

“where when my aching grows,

where when I languish,

where in my need to know, where can I run?”

a constant low drum

becoming a louder beat

i never noticed

the words had been drowned out..

gone

i forgot they’d even existed

how could i have?

when once not long ago they’d been so strong.

they fed my soul

what was I feeding on without the words?

a constant low drum

a loud beat

without realizing they’d been lost 

the words were given back to me

it stopped me in my tracks

my unknown aches surfaced and dissipated

they flew away

and tears of gladness, of solace sprung

arms outstretched, light so bright

words spoke to my soul

welcome

image via pinterest

sometimes i believe i will be happiest after the storms

after life is perfect and everything i’ve ever wanted comes true

this is a lie - it's false 

this belief is assumed by my subconscious without my ever having said so

but i’m mortal and because of that it seems i always want the easy way out

i always want the immediate pleasure the things i can see, touch and feel

if I have to wait and work and be patient then it seems that i won’t be happy

but again that’s my subconscious assuming again

because when i consciously see what my subconscious is doing 

I can be happy

i see with eyes and ears that aren’t seeing from a mortal view

i see and feel and touch things that mean more than the immediate pleasures

doing this consciously allows for my happiness to happen every day – 

no matter what my subconscious assumes, 

and no matter what hasn’t come true

life is best lived consciously and fully aware of who you are, where you are going,

and what you are doing to get there

i imagine

i imagine that its better then here

that it’s peaceful and bright

that hurts are soothed

not done away with but better

that hope abounds and joy is found

i imagine that they are there together

that tears flow from sadness, from sorrow

but through the tears smiles come and light

light shines where once light seemed it would never shine again

i imagine that here resides more pain then there

but that one day here will become there 

and pain will be a distant memory

and as i imagine 

i’m glad

glad for my here and glad for their there

and glad that i know one day my here will be there with them 

together

image via pinterest

what’s important

how do we decide

and how do we decide when deciding 

what is more important than another 

when do we make that realization 

the realization of what’s 

most important

and when we conclude with our decision

where do we begin