Tuesday, July 14, 2015

||   T I M E   ||

Sometimes life happens and you don’t even notice it, 
until one day you sit down or you look up and it all comes rushing in. 
Reality seems to have taken on a dream like quality. 
Your moments are no longer your own, 
and what was once days, weeks and months simply becomes…

Laying in bed thinking of who I was, who I am and who I’m quickly becoming,
 I contemplated what time means to me, being a mom.
Time is measured in a completely new way.
Time doesn’t matter, only in the context of making sure my baby is happy and healthy.
I seem to exist outside any realm I was previously used to. 
My concerns are based solely on helping, shaping and caring for another human being.

I imagined to myself it must be how God views time.
He is our father and we are His children,
His work is to bring to pass our immortality and eternal life.  
In essence His whole existence is to ensure His children’s happiness.  
Similarly I am Fiona’s mother and she is my child. 
I exist to help God ensure Fiona’s happiness.  
Time as I knew it does not matter.  
I measure it in love, in heartbeats, in smiles, in successes.
Only imagine if we existed to ensure millions of soul’s happiness,
 like God does.  
Time as we know it would become obsolete, 
and would only be measured in smiles, in successes. 
No wonder God is so merciful, so loving, so kind, so forgiving.
No wonder He only remembers the good and not the bad, 
He has no time.

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

“I wrestled before the Lord to make my life whole.”

At times it seems an impossible, never ending feat.
I can't seem to see beyond my weakness, 
the horrors that come out and choke me till my vision blurs and my sight narrows to one glaringly obvious fact; 
I am broken, I am horribly, horrendously  bent and torn in places. 
Where are my pieces? 
Where can I find them? 
Who has them?
Something tries to persuade me:
"No one, no one can help you, you are alone and broken forever." 
Oh what despair, what darkness, what agony!
And then I remember, I remember; 
Christ has already suffered for my pieces, 
He holds them for moments when I am ready to see them.

And so I pray, I plead with my God and His intercessory, Christ.

Please, God make me whole.
Submit my will to yours, 
mold me, give me what I need, 
what Thou must to reshape me.
 Ohh but please make me worthy of this sacrifice Christ gave.

Please God, without thee, 
without thy cleansing power my soul dies 
and I have place for the enemy of my soul.
Stay with me, comfort me, strengthen me, 
make me what thou wilt, but please Lord, 
make me whole.

Thy strength has seen me through days past, 
thy love and comfort have enveloped me and given me peace. 
Please Lord, I pray stay with me again. 
Envelope me again. 
Reach out Thy hand and comfort me in my agony. 
Open my mind to the visions I have received in the past,
so that I might remember Thee and thy comfort."

Oh Lord thy strength is known to me but I feel so unworthy. 
But because of the atonement of Christ I know I have part. 
I know thou hast already given me strength, 
prepared a way for me to have strength on the merits of Thy love, 
on the merits of Christ's love 
and the redeeming and sanctifying power of the atonement. 
That strength, your love, is ready and waiting for me daily, 
moment by moment to partake.

And in my agony I look up, 
I reach up, 
I pray up to Him and miraculously I am comforted 
and I am made whole.

He suffered for my pieces so that I can be whole. 
The agony I feel in moments does not compare to His. 
His is beyond my understanding, 
but I can understand, in part, what it does for me, 
and I am immeasurably, completely and wholly grateful.

I am made whole.

"The agony of Christ"

Monday, February 23, 2015

You know how they have" the funnies" in the newspaper,
well I'd like to add a column called "the crazies".
Mine would read something similar,
but condensed,
with more funnies inserted,
sorry, you get the quick long version:)

(click on the pictures to view larger)

Monday, December 8, 2014

There are moments where the words; 
pay attention 
are written, almost scorched, 
across my spirit, my mind, 
and finally my heart.
These moments have changed me irrevocably, 
I learn what days, 
and sometimes years of searching, 
and just plain living mean.  
I learn why I had to confront a trial, 
I learn why I needed time and patience. 
I come to understand a quote that stuck, 
or a thought I once had.  
Things I thought I had understood take on a new, 
more purposeful meaning.

It’s in these moments that everything about living leads to one grand, 
overwhelmingly simple culmination of truth.  

It’s as though a mist has lifted and I can see who and what I truly am.  
I’m awestruck, 
and beyond grateful.

“Gratitude is a Spirit-filled principle.  
It opens our minds to a universe permeated with the richness of a living God.”

-Bonnie D. Parkin 

Monday, November 3, 2014

||     A   C h i l d 's   P r a y e r    ||

“How could I ever say thank you, when the whole of this life’s not enough.”

This line from a song runs through me endlessly.
Sometimes it plays in my mind, 
behind my closed eyelids,
but more often then not it plays in my heart, 
leaking tears through my eyes. 

The line plays while eating, walking, talking and sleeping.
I wake in the dark needing to relieve my baby laden bladder
and the line trails behind me on repeat.  
I return to my bed too tired to sleep.
Too….something to close my eyes, 
I don’t notice at first, but I should, 
it’s become a pattern, not sleeping 
because reality is too precious, because the truth of what awaits is overwhelming.

“How could I ever say thank you,”
Over and over.
And as I stare at the ceiling my hands instinctively move to my growing belly.
My mind opens to the possibilities of what and who this baby girl will be.
My heart revels that what once was a dream is becoming reality.
I recognize that my prayers of the past are being answered,
and I know that my prayer tonight will be heard.

This prayer is one of gratitude but also one of hope and possibility.
I pray she will be healthy and strong.
That she will feel the love daddy and I have for her.
I pray that she will know God and Jesus Christ,
that her heart will be soft and open and she will
be obedient and kind.
I pray that she will seek truth and find it.
That her life will be one of joy, 
and her spirit will be happy and she will know of her deep beauty.

“How could I ever say thank you.”
For sharing what is Yours with me.
For allowing me to love, guide and cherish a soul so strong.
For I know she will be strong..I feel her.
And I fall asleep content,
my hands resting on her, my soul singing

“How could I ever say thank you, when the whole of this life’s not enough”

Friday, February 14, 2014


a   v a l e n t i n e

“Love is the most powerful force in the world.” – Dallin H. Oaks

 I feel pretty powerful today.
In fact my heart is so powerful it feels like flying straight out of my body.
I wish I could make it fly to everyone I love, and let it stay...at least for a little while.
But hearts don’t fly, I know, so I'll send what I can-

a valentine.


Friday, January 31, 2014


p  r  a  y  e  r

when I’m walking I can’t help but close my eyes.
It’s all too much;
the things I’ve left behind,
the things yet to live.
But most of all the glorious in between.

My soul prompts my eyes to close tighter,
and my legs to move faster.
Both in hopes of holding on,
and in hunger of letting go.

As I heed my soul,
the physical heightens-
the wind on my face
the sun on my back.

Until; I seem to sprout wings,

and fly.